Kirk Out

Dude. I just watched Star Trek. Let me start here by saying I am NOT a trekkie, more of a general purpose geek. So, I can live with all the revisionist history. Of course, I KNOW that Kirk's father didn't die the day he was born, and Spock's mother was not killed when the planet Vulcan was destroyed by rogue Romulans, because THAT DID NOT HAPPEN. Or, maybe it did.

I don't love time travel used as a literary device to dismiss an entire body of knowledge. But do you know what's funny? Before the plot was entirely revealed, I wasn't asking myself, 'Hmmm, have I seen this in a movie or show before?' No, I was thinking, 'Is this REAL, or did they just MAKE IT UP for this movie?'

Hello? Star Trek=ALL IMAGINARY! There is no Enterprise cruising the universe, ensuring our safety from all enemies, foreign and domestic. No pointy-eared, logical geniuses protecting us from evil. So it doesn't really matter if the new Star Trek movie conflicts in some way with a television show from 1963, now does it?

But there are some things I can't get past. SPOILER ALERT HERE: Spock and Uhura have a 'thing' in this movie. This, I cannot tolerate. Spock.does.not.have.girlfriends. I do not care how beautiful she is, how fluent she is in all three Romulan dialects, or how short her Starfleet uniform skirt is. Spock goes into the pon farr every seven years and is driven to dereliction of duty, even violence, in his efforts to mate. He does NOT get involved in casual relationships with his co-workers. EVERYONE knows that. Well, except for I had to look it up, because I'm totally not a trekkie. Really. I swear.

Old Spock and young Spock cannot have a friendly chat. That is just wrong and creepy. I was thinking it was actually impossible but I can't seem to find anything to back me up. Wrong and creepy will have to suffice.

And finally, just a fashion tip for James T: No eyeliner is required to command a starship. Anna out.