News Roundup

The winner of the mystery won is Janelle. I will be sending her fabulous prize out early next week. Congratulations, my friend! Don't spend it all in one place.

In blog news, I am looking for a new name for 'Stories from Korea', since my stories are no longer from Korea. If you have any ideas, let me know! As soon as I get a new name, I am going to have to figure out a way to get a new header. My clever brother-in-law made my existing one, which I love, but he is very fancy and important and most likely has better things to do than draw cartoons for me. Hard to believe, I know. Then, when that's done, I'm going to set up an email subscription form like Helen did. If you haven't signed up for notifications from 'Tips from the Trenches', you totally should right now, because it's awesome.

In some random Seattle-ish news, there are like a bazillion bald eagles flying around here all the time, a rousing Endangered Species Act success. Super cool. Also, I am very pleasantly surprised with the driving situation around here. There is a noticeable improvement in the traffic flow, even during the busiest times. Lloyd thinks it's because no one has a job anymore but WHATEVER; it gets me to the thrift store way faster than ever before!

And speaking of the thrift store, here's the weird news of the day: thrifting seems to have partially lost its luster. Maybe it's because all those people without jobs are can't afford to drive their cars to the donation center? That must be it. GET WITH THE PROGRAM, PEOPLE! GET BACK ON THE ROAD AND DROP OFF ALL YOUR OLD CRAP RIGHT NOW! There, that should do it.

And finally, here is the last boil report ever: the gaping hole has turned into a handsome little scab. Now it looks exactly like a half healed-up wound from a glancing blow from a paring knife. On my hipbone. Not that I would know.

Have a happy weekend! I'm off to the thrift store to get Janelle her treats from America. Okay, FINE. Maybe I'll go to Target, too.

Giveaway: Win some won!

I find myself in possession of some leftover won, which is South Korean currency, for those of you not on the ROK. Since the thrift store won't take it, I haven't been able to figure out what to do with it, and it's been mocking me every time I open my top drawer. It's not so much that I want to go to the effort of finding a place to exchange it, but it's more than I'm willing to let go to waste.

So, I decided to give it away. If you are on a military base in South Korea and win the won, I'll even toss in a treat from America and make sure the package is big enough that you get a yellow slip in your mailbox when it arrives. To enter, just leave a comment on this post and make sure you leave your contact information if I don't already know who you are.

Mrs. Osan Entry 2

For your viewing pleasure, here is a recent pageant entry in the 'Shiniest' category. This Osan lovely glows with the best of them, don't you think?

Mrs. Osan Pageant update and Entry 1

The 'Queen of the Kitchen' category has been changed to the Talent Competition.

This was so the pageant doesn't discriminate against cooking-challenged entrants, such as our lovely Mrs.Osan number 1, who submitted the 'before' and 'after' photos showcasing her housekeeping skills.

Send in your entry today, and don't forget that frozen ground beef recipe! I mean, come on, people! Help me out here.

Here She Comes

Osan in August is pretty dull. And humid. And bug-ridden. Other than that it's a really great place, but it could use a little livening up. Fortunately, I got a brilliant idea at the playground this afternoon. No, really, it's true this time; not like that ridiculous poetry idea at all.

Okay, here it is. Are you ready for it? It's the Mrs. Osan Pageant! Something like the better known (but not for long) Miss American pageant, only better. Of course, I had to make some changes to the concept and categories because our pageant will be in a venue quite different than an air-conditioned casino in Atlantic City. Also because the Miss America pageant is stupid beyond words.

First, the competition isn't restricted by age or gender. Stories from Korea, the pageant sponsor, has a strict 'don't ask, don't tell' policy about both of those things, so gentleman of Osan, get your applications ready!

Here are the categories, a brief description, and instructions about how to enter:

Shiniest: We all glisten around here, but some of you ladies (and you know who you are!) really have that golden glow. Send in a photo of yourself at your moistest, and/or measure and submit your sweat volume over a 24-hour period.

Scabbiest: Mosquitoes around here really leave their mark. If you bump up nicely, then claw at yourself until you bleed, this is your category! Check out the picture; I'm the walking scab to beat, so don't get your hopes up. Enter with a photo. Please, no scabs shoved under my door.

Queen of the Kitchen: The recipe that gets a meal based on frozen ground beef to the table the fastest wins. Send me the recipe. Before dinnertime, if possible.

The Rain Boot competition: The most stylish monsoon boots take the prize. Send a photo or drop the boots off. Entries become the property of the sponsor. Extra credit for size 9's.

Miss Schizophrenic: This goes to the craziest summer story. Have you taken two or more kids on a trip halfway around the world, by yourself, maybe even space-A*? Done something else that is totally nuts? Send in your story to win the prize.

Ex-Osanites and other members of society are permitted, nay, encouraged, to participate. I'm waiting for those entries, so go ahead and send them in right away. Especially the frozen ground beef recipe. Right now would be great. Seriously, right now. I'm waiting. Go ahead. Someone? Anyone? Dammit.

*Space-A stands for space available and refers to almost free travel on military aircraft. As you might expect, there are a million catches. You can read some hilarious accounts of such ill-conceived trips here and here.

I'm a winner!

But you knew that, right? No, really, I'm not kidding this time: I'm a winner, for real! I won Helen's parenting word of the day contest for my entry for lug. Here's my entry:

I have invented a new game show. It's called LUG, SLUG, CHUG or HUG. Two parents face off, each with 4 buzzers in front of them labeled LUG, SLUG, CHUG and HUG. The contestants are presented with various parenting scenarios (tantrum in the supermarket, dirty diaper and sleeping baby crammed into the window seat on a totally full plane, etc.) and they race to push the buzzer with the appropriate response. The contestants' responses are judged by an audience made up of childfree yuppies.

I won and I didn't even describe the penalty round, where you have to transport two kids, an overstuffed diaper bag, a car seat, a portable potty and 63 stuffed animals through an obstacle course while the yuppies throw imported beer bottles at you. The prize, my very own 'Parenting Bag of Tricks', is pictured above. It has wine in it! It is chock-full of parenting goodness, and did you see the wine?

Thanks, Helen! I can feel my parenting skills improving right now. At least, I think that's what that crushing pain in my head is. Either that, or I drank way too much wine.

Parenting Contest at Helen's!

Everyone is invited! Helen has a clever Parenting Word of the Day contest up at 'Tips From the Trenches'. Each day for a week, she will have a new parenting word up and she is looking for the most interesting story, post, poem, joke or other submission. Heck, she might even accept art work; she's not picky. The first word, posted yesterday, is 'antagonize'. So get your creative juices flowing and win a fabulous prize!

Fabulous Prizes!

And the winner is.... Anonymous, for Guest Post 7: Irony. Fortunately I know who Anonymous is and I can deliver her prize. The prize is the mug pictured above, which I snapped up at the Chosun Gift Shop at Yongsan this week. The inscription reads: 'Ugly Mug for Ajima and MIL to share. Dishwasher Safe'.

I decided to give a runner-up prize to Jennifer, for Guest Post 6: The Way of the Woo-woo, mostly because I spotted the perfect prize while at the Chosun. It's the elephant shaped tea-pot, cute and the perfect size for floating above someone's head.

Congratulations, ladies, and thank you!

Update on Guest Post Contest

I am loving all the fabulous guest posts! There will be a new one every morning (Osan Standard Time) through Thursday. New entries are still being accepted. After the last one is posted, I will put up a poll so you can vote for your favorite.

The breather has been really great for me; I have been churning out all kinds of new stuff and I'll be posting it once the contest ends. Some of it is a little different than what you're used to seeing, but please don't keel over in excitement. I need all the readers I can get.