But you knew that, right? No, really, I'm not kidding this time: I'm a winner, for real! I won Helen's parenting word of the day contest for my entry for lug. Here's my entry:
I have invented a new game show. It's called LUG, SLUG, CHUG or HUG. Two parents face off, each with 4 buzzers in front of them labeled LUG, SLUG, CHUG and HUG. The contestants are presented with various parenting scenarios (tantrum in the supermarket, dirty diaper and sleeping baby crammed into the window seat on a totally full plane, etc.) and they race to push the buzzer with the appropriate response. The contestants' responses are judged by an audience made up of childfree yuppies.
I won and I didn't even describe the penalty round, where you have to transport two kids, an overstuffed diaper bag, a car seat, a portable potty and 63 stuffed animals through an obstacle course while the yuppies throw imported beer bottles at you. The prize, my very own 'Parenting Bag of Tricks', is pictured above. It has wine in it! It is chock-full of parenting goodness, and did you see the wine?
Thanks, Helen! I can feel my parenting skills improving right now. At least, I think that's what that crushing pain in my head is. Either that, or I drank way too much wine.