Giving Notice

Ever notice how some people, well, NOTICE things? Usually these people are neighbors or co-workers, not actual friends. I call them Noticers, and they are close relatives of the Mentioners. Sometimes they are even the same people. Here are some things they might say, just in case you're not sure who I'm talking about:

Nosy neighbor 1: I NOTICED your flower bed is getting pretty weedy and I just thought I'd MENTION it.

Nosy neighbor 2: I NOTICED water ponding up on your driveway and I thought I would just MENTION that if you get down on your hands and knees in the mud and scoop the crap out of the drain it would go away.

Guess what, nosy neighbors? I don't care about the mud in the driveway and I also don't give a rat's patootie about what you think of it. Oh wait, I'm getting off track here. Because those (actual, true-life) nosy neighbors are not the point of my post, and thankfully they live far, far away.

Sometimes the Noticers would like to mention, too, but they are just a little bit too passive-aggressive for that, so they mention in what they consider to be a subtle manner. Here's an example of this type of charmer:

Nosy, not-especially-welcome guest: I'm surprised Shane's knees aren't all banged up because he's only wearing a diaper.

Guess what, nosy guest? I don't care about the pantslessness! I don't care whether Shane's shoes match. I don't care that our walls are two different colors. Oh, there I go again. The point, the point: You see how they both notice and mention, without calling it that? They think that's clever and above reproach. But it's not. It's just rude.

If only they would use their formidable and finely honed powers of observation for good instead of evil and notice something important like the ongoing genocide in Africa, wounded veterans getting shafted and the starving and abused children in their own neighborhoods. Dare I even suggest that perhaps they could notice their own teeny-tiny flaws? Surely they must have one or two. After all, the rest of do....