Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Shaneanigans





Why do I have a picture of my sandals and sock clad feet on the top of my blog? Say, I'm glad you asked! I'd love to tell you. Today was another beautiful Osan day. Clear and sunny, and just a little bit windy. We decided to meet some of our lovely friends at the garden and packed up the stroller with just the necessities: Plastic bus, two inflatable balls, O ball, football, stuffed frog, stuffed cat and a bag of m&m's. I put the plastic cover on the stroller to keep the wind out and we hit the road. Since we were just going to the garden to play in the grass and dirt I wore the footwear and green sweatpants you see in the picture, along with a very bright orange but stained sweater. I topped this ensemble off with a black coat and a not-quite-neon orange backpack.

We cavorted in the slightly chilly arctic wind for a while, then Helen wisely decided she had had enough fun for one day. Janelle and I, not being so bright, decided to undertake the eleventy jillion 1/4 mile trek to the BX to play in the play place there. Unfortunately, the play area does not feature a containment system, but I am guessing that after today the management is seriously considering a very powerful electric fence. Many, many unsuspecting observers were treated to the spectacle of me in my colorful attire trucking through the BX to collect Shane each of the 87 times he exited the play area at mach 5. The return trips were slower, but accompanied by a very loud soundtrack.

Shane finally decided that perhaps the play area was not actually a primary color themed torture device, just in time for Weston to decide that he was starving and had to leave right that instant. Sadly, the m&m's had been devoured long ago and I have a standing policy against food court pizza every night, so I loaded up all the crap and put Shane in the stroller. There is no word or phrase that can adequately convey what this looked and sounded like. Picture the beautiful outfit. And the sheer volume of stuff. And the screaming. Add flailing and the dull red burning of my face and you might be able to imagine a small fraction of the experience. And that's when the situation started to deteriorate.

As I attempted to push the stroller out of the BX, Shane was screaming and yanking against the stroller straps with his body. He lifted the plastic off the stroller and repeatedly tried to lunge out. No lie, every single person we passed gaped at us in slack-jawed wonder. This was not helpful. Just a handy tip: when you pass someone like me, do not look at her or speak to her unless you have a large bottle of downers to share.

Shane was practically hysterical and I have 'SUCKER' tatooed across my chest, so I took him out and started carrying him while pushing the stroller. I had progressed about 100 yards, to the front of the library, when one of the inflatable balls flew out of the stroller and across the road, forcing a cabdriver to slam on his brakes and rendering Weston inconsolable. If it had been a smidge warmer, I would have curled up on the sidewalk and waited for someone to identify me and call Lloyd to come and get me. When it warms up I am thinking of writing his cell number on my arm with a permanent marker. Since vanishing into thin air did not appear to be one of my few options, I mom-handled Shane back into the stroller, retrieved the ball from a chortling but helpful passerby and went home, studiously avoiding eye contact and ignoring whatever detritus might have been flying off the stroller.

Home now. Not leaving again. Ever. Where were you this afternoon, ever-so-helpful ajimas? Hmmmm? And while I'm asking questions, here's one for Phil & Ted: The wind/rain and UV stroller covers are super great, thanks, but where the hell is the soundproof one? Now, THAT would be useful.

7 comments:

Helen, Robert, Jack, and Emma said...

Sorry I missed it. But it did spin off in to some fodder for my blog finally. Sounds a lot like my trip to school after nap today with Screaming Emma. Scary stuff!

Janelle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Janelle said...

That whole trip was priceless! and for the record, that was probably the best $2.30 I've ever borrowed. Thanks again, . . . SUCKER!! :-)

The Martin Family said...

Oh poor Anna. Just grab a nice big glass of wine, lock your kids in the closet....or use Heidi's duct tape method, and you will be good again.

Brad, Brooke, Abigayle, Rebekah and Indy said...

Wow. Actually, I get way too much joy from reading this post. I think I woke Abby up just now with my laughter. It lets me know I'm not alone in the craziness. At least you leave the house...some days, I really don't have it in me!

Amanda Evans said...

Sounds like good times were had by all. No worries, many times I leave the BX with one (or two) of the boys SCREAMING their heads off. That music follows me all the way home because I have no mercy like you! :-) My favorite look is from the people that had no idea there is "a second kid down there" and think that I am abusing the child by sticking them in the basket. NICE.

Anna Jane said...

We had a similar experience coming back from teh NEO. I had Charlie flung over the stroller handle bars like a sack of flour screaming his head off and everyone I saw took the wide arc around me and all my gear...*sigh*, I need to call my Mom and apologize for the gazillionth time for my antics as a toddler.