Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Tensions

PRESS RELEASE
DATELINE OSAN

Here in South Korea, two traditional enemies are considering high level talks to resolve their long-term conflict, despite repeated failure of diplomatic efforts.

Stories From Korea and her Jeans have had a tense and stressful relationship since the early 80's when a simmering dispute over a split seam erupted into all-out war.

A tentative peace was reached after months of battle, only to end in the ugly and notorious 'Judas Priest Concert/Duct Tape' dispute, which was closely followed by the drawn-out 'Freshman 15' struggle. Since then, relations have been strained, consisting of a cold war marked with occasional skirmishes and border disputes, usually sparked by special events such as reunions and homecoming queen sightings. The steadily worsening relationship deteriorated further during 2001-2007 with SFK's marriage and the birth of her two children. Good faith efforts to negotiate a deal were made by SFK in 2008, but the Jeans maintained a hard line stance, despite impassioned pleas from Spandex, a special envoy dispatched in desperation.

The ongoing tense relationship has taken a severe toll on the entire region. Representatives for the other parties in the Wardrobe Coalition expressed cautious optimism today over the prospect of reunification of the warring parties. One official, speaking on the condition of anonymity, stated that a peace treaty would be well received by the Bikini community, as well as by their close allies, the Articles of Underclothing.

However, there are several potentially insurmountable obstacles to a successful negotiation. SFK would be forced to give up late night cheese snacks and regular second glasses of wine and hand over her breakfast chocolate; concessions she has so far been unwilling to make. Her longstanding position has been that in order to even consider such drastic moves, the Jeans would have to immediately provide several inches of accomodation. To date, requests of this nature have been met with outright refusal by the Jeans.

Interested parties watch from around the region, while the Foundation Garment Party sits poised to swoop in and seize power, a move that would be disastrous for all concerned.

2 comments:

Helen said...

Did you get shorter?

PS: I thought you were an AC/DC fan?

Wendy Hawksley said...

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!