Monday, July 27, 2009


I've read blog posts titled 'Pieces' before; they're always very poignant and chock-full of greater emotional truth about something or other. Well, not on Stories from Korea; No, Sir! I try to steer clear of all that boring self-important crap.

Nope, my 'Pieces' is all about my... pieces, and how they are falling apart. Seriously, if I was a car I would be a rusty, dented-up '68 VW bug. A sort of beigish, pasty-looking one with a dragging muffler and a bashed-in door. If I were groceries I would be a soggy, brown, smooshed-up banana, fit only for muffins and fruit flies. If I were clothes, I would be the last grimy pair of granny panties crumpled up in the back corner of the drawer; the ones you wear when you are desperate because everything else is piled up in a stinking heap on the laundry room floor. No? Well, maybe it's just me.

I'm pretty healthy: I drink my quota (and possibly yours) of red wine, I exercise a reasonable amount (the wine store is SO far away!), I take my vitamins, I eat tons of fruit and vegetables, I floss my teeth and I wear sunscreen every day. And a fat lot of good all that stupid stuff has done me, I will tell you what.

Right now, as I sit here, I have a rash of unknown origin all over my neck and chest, some sort of toddler carrying injury in my left arm and a pulled ligament in in my left foot from... are you ready for this? GETTING OUT OF BED. I know, it sounds totally ridiculous, but it's true.

Clearly, I have been going about things in completely the wrong way, so I'm turning over a new leaf. Goodbye floss, hello Coke mouthwash. Goodbye vitamins, hello Red Bull. Goodbye fruits and veggies, hello Crisco and Twinkies. Out with the old and in with the new! Well, except for the wine. A girl can't totally abandon her health, right?

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